Work has been a looming presence since the turn of the year. The year I could not deny I would be returning to work in.
This week also my Facebook feed has been full of articles about stay at home or working mums. Seems neither mum can win and you are either lazy by 'just' staying at home or negligent for leaving your children without a mother.
I haven't been a working mum yet so I can't speak from that party but I have been a stay at home mum now for eight months. And lots of comparisons can be made between my teacher day and my mum day.
I end many days stressed, tired, feeling like I could have done better and planning for the next day. Motherhood is a job, this has not been a year off.
I admire stay at home mums who do this all the time for one or many children. I often feel like I should be doing more, more washing, more cleaning and more cooking but am then reminded that actually looking after a baby is hard work also. I did assume before L was here that I would be spending days baking and being wonderwife. I have occasional days of wonder but also days of pj's and takeaways. Like any other job there are good and bad days.
I admire working mums who not only juggle family commitments but also the commitments to their children and families. The wrench I will feel on my return to work will be, I am sure, gut wrenching. And I am sure it continues for a while but also that there are days when we would rather be at home; when children are poorly, when words are said or actions done for the first time. I don't know exactly how I will feel on my return to work. And I have an easing in period to get used to it which is good.
I have decided to try and find a life-work balance. A balance between my aspirations as a teacher and my role as a mother. I will wait to see how this is going to work out for us and what it will look like in the long term.
So the conversation has been confronted. Work is ready for me in May. But am I ready for work?